Are You Sabotaging your Online Dating Success?

couple- on beach

Are You Sabotaging your Online Dating Success?

If you have been online dating for a while,  it’s likely that you have had many online dates and wondering when you are going to meet that one woman of your dreams.

You have your list of what type of person you want to meet.  You have the criteria listed.  She’s a brunette, has to be between the ages of 35-45,  weigh around 135lbs. With a height of 5’6 inches. Has to live within 20 minutes of your place of residence.  And on it goes.

You have searched through the online dating sites that you are a member of and you are running out of potential dates, since most of the women that responded to your connections,  you’ve already been out with.

Now you are starting to get a bit desperate and frustrated. The girl you are looking for does not appear to exist.

What to do next?

Perhaps you have defined the type of woman that you are willing to go out with too narrowly.  By expanding your possible options of the type of woman that you would consider going out with, this would open up many more options.

So, for example, you might only go out with brunettes, consider going out with a blonde as well.  You may find yourself to be pleasantly surprised.  When you start to open your options up in more areas you increase the odds of finding someone that you might not have initially thought you could be attracted too, yet when you meet her, you are ready to rip her clothes off.

Another example might be that you limit your dating possibilities to women that are only university educated.  You narrow down the available pool of women when you do that.  Great if you can find a match, but if you can’t then consider perhaps someone with a college education or even a female entrepreneur who may have the smarts without a formal education.

Do you want a woman who is between 35-45?  How about increasing the range slightly. This opens up some other factors such as does she have younger kids or not from a previous relationship and is that something you are ok with?

A lot of 50+ guys seem to want to date women between 35-45. What about the possibility of being entirely compatible with someone closer to your age? You certainly will have some similar life experiences as well as more similar ideas about where you might be at this stage of life. Consider it just as a possibility and try it out.

You still have to get to know someone by dating them for a while; your odds are simply going to be much better to find that one particular woman if you expand your options.  This gives you access to a greater pool of women online, and a high possibility that the one gem that you are looking for is amongst that group.

Ultimately you want to find that one person to build a relationship with. While you may have to date many women to find that person, you will find the extra effort is well worth it.

To increase your success in finding that one great lady, read the book, How to Attract a Great Woman: A Practical Guide for Guys getting back in the dating gameby Ray Khan

Overcome your fear of approaching women

How to approach a woman
How to approach a woman

Conversation is the key to attracting a woman into your life

Easier to be eaten by Lions, than approach and converse with a woman?
Being a hero back in the days of Julius Caesar was no easy task. Christians were routinely thrown into a battle against lions and other wild beasts. The idea was simple: If you survived the battle (which was relatively rare) you might be granted freedom or at the very least be allowed to live another day.

The Roman spectators in the stadium enjoyed the spectacle, and this free entertainment was a form of distraction to prevent people from thinking about they were being taxed. Because it was free, it also permitted the current government to stay in power as well.

Now you might be thinking that being thrown into the ring with the lions and being eaten, might be easier than approaching attractive women who might reject you.

Fear can overcome the best of us and prevent us from engaging with a female that we might find of interest to us, which is a lot easier to do that it was to fight with a lion in Caesar’s Hippodrome.

What we are going to cover is:

1) Afraid to start a conversation with a new woman?

2) Overcome your fears by taking action.

3)How to keep the conversation going.

1. Afraid to start a conversation with a new woman?
You see an attractive woman who catches your attention. You are afraid to approach her because you don’t want to use a lame excuse, like talking about the weather or asking her the time. Most women are tired of this approach. Conversational skills are not taught in school and while some people have the “gift of gab” many others don’t. If you fall into the latter category here is what you can do about that. Let’s start with what your first thoughts might be.

What are you thinking?
Well if the first thing that crosses your mind is that you would like to see her naked, you are already off to a wrong start. You are thinking several steps ahead, and your intentions are totally off base. The first words out of your mouth are likely going to be the wrong ones in that case So what is it you want to say then?

Guess what she’s thinking?
Many women, (not all) are going to admire you, to begin with for having the courage to approach them and start a conversation. They have some fear and trepidation just like you do about why a stranger is approaching them, so to make her feel safe about your approaching in the first place you need to have a active and upbeat vibe. Your mind must be in a positive frame. Your body language must be soft and warm, and direct eye contact with a smile is also necessary. Moving slowly towards her is also key. Be aware of her personal space and don’t invade it immediately.

Lots of practice
To develop these skills, it takes practice; you overcome your fears by making many approaches. Expect to be often rejected. You don’t know what is going on in this person’s life.

2)Overcoming your fears by taking action
One of the best ways to open a conversation with a woman is to notice something about her or your mutual surroundings that you can make a comment or observation. For example, if you are in the mall and you see a woman approaching you with a shopping bag in her hand, that has a name of a shoe store you could ask her if the store sells men’s shoes as well. Then compliment her on her good taste in her own shoes. Perhaps she could also recommend some other shoe stores to you. This opens up a conversation. What if that does not happen and she just ignores you?

What if she blows me off?
Not every woman is going to respond well, and some might just ignore you altogether. Expect that to happen and just don’t take it personally, as many men are apt to do. There are many reasons why this could happen, here are a few: She just ended a bad relationship recently, or had a lousy job interview, all of which have nothing to do with you. Just be polite and move on.

It is a numbers game
The more women you approach, the easier it becomes. The big challenge next is continuing the conversation and obtaining her contact information.

3) Keeping the conversation going
A woman will next judge you based on your body language and your facial expressions. You must project warmth and also express a degree of confidence, so they can feel they are in a safe space to continue the conversation with you.

Be a better listener and less of a talker
If you are nervous and talk quickly too much, that will not work in your favour. Slow down your speech pattern. Be an active listener and give her feedback, with the occasional nod of your head or a verbal “hmm” in agreement. If you do this carefully, you will know exactly what to say next to keep the conversation going.

Ask open-ended questions and follow her cues
The truth of the matter is, people enjoy talking about themselves. By using open-ended questions, you prevent simple yes or no answers which cause automatic shutdown while also taking much of the pressure on you to keep the conversation going in a forcible and awkward manner. Where will you get this information? If you were paying close attention to her when she talks, she would give you the cues and information. If you are busy thinking about the next thing to say to impress her, you will be lost in your thoughts and not hear most of what she said.

The Ultimate Goal
When you talk to a woman, your only goal should be to have a fun conversation with them that also entertains, with no hidden agenda. It takes all the pressure off you, enhances your attractiveness as a fun guy, with a good vibe. Remember, It all starts with a great conversation.

How you can learn amazing things in the first 6 seconds of your first date

How you can learn amazing things in the first 6 seconds of your first date
There I was waiting for my date to arrive, so I got there early to the Mall parking lot to ensure I could be there to greet her when she arrived. I waited outside the Milestone’s restaurant, our agreed meeting spot and scanned the parking lot as our meeting time got closer.

Here she comes!
I knew she was making an effort, since she had driven over 1 hour to meet up with me, EventuallyI spotted her as
She walked towards me, having seen my photo on the Internet dating website. I had gone through this process several times with other
women before, I learnt to pay attention to the body language and demeanor of a person when they approached you and met you for the first time.

The Six Second test
There is a lot that can be told in the first Six seconds of meeting a new date. If you pay attention to what is being presented to you.

1. Why the first 6 seconds can be crucial when meeting a woman for the first time
While 6 seconds may not seem like a lot of time, surely there has been a time when in your life 6 seconds felt like an eternity.
Perhaps it was when you finally had the courage to ask a particular woman for her phone number, and she hesitated in giving it to you. She might have said something that you did not want to hear. Ever heard this line before? “I am not looking for relationship right now.

“I am not looking for a relationship right now”
When you heard those words, did you immediately back off and say something like “Ok”, or did you keep quiet, hold your ground, and smile while looking at her, until she said the magic words: “Ok, my phone number is: 555-444-2222. That whole process likely did not take more than six seconds in total. Further proving the idea, that time is relative. A lot of guys would have buckled under the pressure, and said something in response, which would have showed her that you don’t stand your ground, and that is one of the qualities a woman looks for.

This leads us to the next step, what are you going to look for in your initial immediate six second encounter with her?

2. How to interpret the results of that first 6 seconds of interaction with her
It is important that you always arrive to the date early, so you can be ready and psychologically prepared to meet with her. Meeting anyone for the first time, can put most of us in a very uncomfortable and feeling nervous psition. You mind is rushing through all kinds of mental scenarios. One of the big ones is this one, “Will she like me, yes or no?”

Will she like me Yes, or no?
That is really doing to depend on many factors, some of which are beyond your control. For example, sexual attraction depends on factors like chemistry, body odour and something as simple as does she like the way you smell? For example, if you wore a shirt that had a stain on it and appeared not to have been washed, she would notice that and within six seconds make a mental decision about you based on that one thing. Keep in mind the six second rule works both ways.

Sure, you might be a nice guy, but if you could not be bothered to wash your shirt, press it that says a lot about what your other habits might be like. Conversely, you will want to pay attention to her, and this leads us to the next step, and what you should pay
attention to, in the first six seconds.

3. What you might want to pay attention too in the frst 6 Seconds
As she approaches you, she has now seen you and you can observe if you pay attention whether or not she is pleased to see you or not. Does she move more quickly towards you or slow down? Is she hesitant to greet you or not? Does she continue to make eye contact with you with warm smiling eyes, or does her face have somewhat of a frown on it, from dissapointment. Now keep in mind, she might be nervous, and it your job to make sure she feels safe and comfortable at all times. If you don’t particularly feel any immediate attraction for her, you should still continue with the date, always be a gentleman. Yes, you can shorten the date if neccessary, but since she took the time and effort to meet with you respect that, and always treat others as you yourself would want to be treated.

Is Six seconds is not long enough to make an accurate assessment of a person?
The first 6 seconds can be a good initial indicator of attraction levels. How you communicate, the sound of her voice and chemistry
between you both are other facts that will become apparent as your date continues. You need to give every woman a fair chance to
establish this with you. In fact, you should do your level best to have at least 2 to 3 dates with any woman, if there is initial mutual attraction felt before you make any further decisions to continue dating her.

Don’t be like Jack
Something that you should not ever do is what Jack did, when he met his date for the first time. They had chatted on the phone for a few weeks after meeting online via dating website.. They had talked every evening on the telephone, there was a lot of excitement in the air when they finally decided on a date to meet for dinner. Ramona had gone to her hairstylist, had a manicure/pedicure and dressed in a beautiful outfit, with stunning shoes. She looked picture perfect. Or so she thought.

Failure in the first six seconds
Jack met Ramona at the mall, and they were to have dinner at the Milestone’s restaraunt. It was a busy Thursday night, so they had to wait inline for about 30 minutes for their table. Five minutes after waiting in line, Jack said to Ramona “ I don’t think this is going to work out” and ditched her right there in line, and walked away. Obviously there was no physical attraction felt by Jack towards Ramona, but rather than be a gentleman, and see the date through, he acted like a jerk and ditched her.

So let’s summarize what we have learnt here:
1) The first six seconds of meeting someone can tell you much about their initial response upon meeting you for the first time.
Look for and be aware of the telltale signs as noted above.

2) Interpret what happens in the first 6 seconds, as a guideline. The rest of the date will show you more, is her interest level
in you high or low? What about your feelings? Did you like what you saw, and did you feel mutual attraction immediately?

3)While the first 6 seconds will give you a good indication of what might be in store, spending time and having fun together is thereal key to determining your mutual feelings towards each other. Keep it light, and make it fun for her. You need to keep her feeling
comfortable and in a safe space while she is with you. Use humor to keep things light.

If you don’t like the woman you have just met, shorten the date, and always be a gentleman about it.

Remember, just as I was able to discover for myself, there is a lot you can learn in the first 6 seconds of a date, if you pay close attention to what is happening right in front of you. Get to the date early, and be ready and present.

Want to get back into the dating game and find that beautiful, interesting and sexy woman who is perfect for you?

Download My free guide shares how you can get started with dating successfully again.

Don’t make this dating mistake

rude interracial couple on a bad date

This is one dating mistake, that can be very costly..

Online dating can be a tricky field to navigate sometimes.

You can read the profile of a person, and think you know a lot about them.

Heck, you can even talk to them on the phone a few times.

Until you actually meet them though, you really don’t know what is in store for you.

Is this going to be heaven or hell, you sometimes wonder.

Such was the experience  several years ago, when I went out with a woman.

Let’s call her Sue.

I picked her up at her apartment (a bit unusual, as most women don’t give you their home
address on the first date) right on time and she was ready to go.

Sue was an attractive brunette,  wearing the proverbial black dress, and it fit like a glove
and so I imagined this was going to be a fun evening.

The plan was to go to a hotel nightclub, in the downtown area, and do some dancing
and get to know each other a bit better.

We got to the club, grabbed a table, it was still early, around 9pm so we ordered a couple
of drinks and started to chat a bit; the usual small talk about some of our interests, and

Then the DJ put a song on that  I liked, so I grabbed Sue, and took her to the dance floor.

Holy smokes, this woman could dance! She had all the moves.

And of course she really knew how to do the bump and grind,  and did not waste any time
showing her interest.

Great I thought, this date is going really well, obviously I have made a good impression.

After about 20 minutes of dancing, I guided Sue back to our table, so we could continue
our conversation.

I wanted to get to know her a little better.

And that’s when it started: She went into a tirade about her last boyfriend, and how the
relationship was a disaster.  What a rotten guy he was,  yada yada, yada.

That is when the RED FLAG warning went up.

All of sudden, I saw myself as being the next guy in line, who was also going to be
chopped to pieces by Sue, while she was talking to her next potential boyfriend.

Such negativity. And she was quite emotional about it too.

How can you really trust a women like this, whom you hardly know
and is already badmouthing somebody else.

Now I was thinking,  that this date had turned from what might have
been fun, to one that I just wanted to end.

No matter how attractive she was,
that kind of low class  behaviour on  a first date,meant that it would be the last date.

We went back to the dance floor,  and then it was time to go home I decided.

I drove Sue home, to drop her off.  And she leaned right into me for a kiss
and put her arms around me as soon as I put the car in park.

Talk about a fast mover!

She then suggested we go to her  place for a nightcap.

In retrospect, I should have simply made up some  excuse to leave, but I was not
thinking with that part of my brain unfortunately.

After I left, I decided that I was not even going to bother calling Sue again.

Well guess what?

The next day  I got a nasty text from Sue, saying: “Why haven’t you called me again’?
Your just like every other guy! You just want to have sex with a women, and then dump them”


I called Sue back, to find out what the issue was  and boy was she pissed.

And she hung up on me.   Then called me back.

This time I hung up on her.

Sue obviously had some serious anger issues, and other faults and I was not
interested in trying to “fix her up”.

So the lesson for you here is not to do what Sue did.

If you go out on a date with a woman,  you want to keep it light and fun, and make
sure she has a great time, so you can too.

You cannot build trust with someone, if you are complaining about your ex, and how
she is screwing you over, and won’t let you see the kids, etc.

Otherwise,  you are going to be shut down very quickly, and deservedly so.

If you want to learn more great dating tips, then be sure to download my FREE report
which includes essential tips on making every date, a successful date!



Online dating driving you crazy?


Online dating can be like playing the lottery.

Sometimes you win, and sometimes you don’t.

Ask yourself a question.

How many bad dates have you had via online dating?

You know how it goes: You see someone you like online, and set up a coffee, lets meet for drinks
or lunch get together.

You arrive at the venue on time.  You are waiting to meet this person, then they show up, and
you do a double take when you see the woman you are about to meet.

She does not look anything like the picture that she posted in her online profile.

The picture that she has posted might have been taken a few years ago, and now she appears to be
somewhat heavier, perhaps older looking as well  and you feel somewhat deceived and pissed off about this.

Now, when this first happened to me and I was new to online dating  I was  somewhat annoyed, but carried through with the date
anyway, because I wanted to be a “nice guy”.

What I was really  thinking, that if she was willing to not be truthful and misrepresent herself to me initially,
then what other BS and lies might she tell me.

“What the hell was she thinking?” I would quietly tell myself.

Perhaps she was thinking, that once I met her and discovered what an amazing person she was, that
I would overlook the fact that she had essentially lied to me.

When this happened a few times, I became less tolerant and would end the date
relatively quickly.

One of the big mistakes I made,  was actually making a dinner date with someone,
because they sounded good on the phone.

Then being  stuck with her for a much longer time period and  praying for dinner to end
so I could get the hell out of there.

Waste of my time and money.

I also did not like confrontation.

What I should have done, is tell her that I do not appreciate my time being wasted, and turned
around and walked out on her.

After a while, I realized that there some women were only interested in one thing: Getting some free drinks,
lunch, or a dinner at my expense. It sure cut down on their personal expenses.

And whose fault is that?

Mine of course, because I did not take the necessary steps to qualify that person to make sure that we
were at least well suited to even go out together in the first place.

Nope, desperate as I was, I just took the first woman that came along ,

Feeling insecure  about myself, and  my  scarcity mentality towards being
able to get a women did not help either.

Yes,  I know it sounds pretty pathetic.

And it was.

Mind you, I was always a gentleman; but rarely got second dates with the same woman.

Does any of this sound familiar?

There are many men who are unfortunately making the same mistake, and some that are
not learning from it.

If that is you, don’t you think it is time for a change?

You deserve better, and you know it.

Till next time.

Ray Khan

PS Be sure to check out my FREE guide on how you can started dating again, and avoid
some of the dumb mistakes I made.







Breaking up is hard to do

Relationship breakup man

And when it happens to you, you want to avoid the fallout
that often follows.

Here are some coping strategies to to help you survive,
regardless of whether it was you or the other person that instigated
the breakup.

You are still left dealing with pain and sometimes mixed and crazy
Emotions, that can leave your head spinning and emotional turmoil.

After being married for 24 years myself, and leaving that marriage
I can tell you, it was a living hell.

Emotions. Confusion. Pain.

It takes time to heal. Y

First thing you want to do is immediately stop all communication with Your ex.

I am serious.

Yes, there may be some issues that need to be dealt withIn regards to personal items,
moving, and such meetings should Be kept very short, and ideally with a 3rd party present to keep things Civil
if need be.

Get rid of any items that may trigger memories of your ex. such as
Personal keepsakes.

Store them away if you need to. An item like a ring, or a watch…..just
gonna be reminders.

One more thing:
Do not stalk your ex on social media of any kind.

Just detach as Much as you can from her.

The temptation may be there, but it
Is best for you if you do not know what she is up to.

Spend time alone: Just to go a restaurant or a coffee shop, grab
that book that you have been meaning to read, and just give
Yourself some down time.

Or listen to a favorite podcast.

Hang out with friends: This is key, because you want to maintain
Contact with people, and they can also be supportive.

Yes, This can be a bit tricky, especially if you and your ex have mutual friends.

Andbe careful not to badmouth your ex to your friends.

One of the biggest mistakes I made after my marriage broke up was
Entering into a rebound relationship.

What a mistake that was!

I was not healed or emotionally
Ready, and as result that new relationship was very unstable.

What happened is that I still had all these negative emotions inside
me and they affected my new relationship.

Did not help that my new girlfriend was not exactly stable either,
as she had been in a very wounded relationship, and had very
low self esteem herself.

Yes, it seemed like Fun and excitement at the time, but all it did was mask how crappy
I was feeling inside.

I would suggest that you consider not entering any other relationship until you have healed.

There are going to be times when you may simply burst into tears
All of a sudden.

Allow yourself the time and space to grieve and
let the pain dissipate.

Another area that you will also want to play close attention to is
your health.

This can start to slide in very subtle ways that you
May not even notice it.
You may start eating out more, and possibly end up eating the wrong
Type of foods which can put on the pounds.

Watching tv, eating junk food. The wrong stuff, which will
only make you feel crappier if you overdo it.

If you drink, Alcoholic consumption Might also start to increase so be aware of this.
One of the best ways to feel better about yourself is to exercise.

Just move your body. Outside is good or at a gym.

Yes, even a 30 minute walk per day, will make a difference.

This is also a great time to take up a new hobby, or personal interest
That you have always wanted to do.

Volunteer at a food bank. Do something to help other people.

Take a course, or learn something new.

Not only will this distract you from your pain
It will also allow you to move forward with new interests in your

Remember, you need to rebuild your self-esteem.

One of the best tools I found that really helped me to recover
Was writing a daily journal. It was a great form of therapy as
I could express my thoughts freely, assess what mistakes I had
Made (and believe me there were many) and how I could
Avoid that in a future relationship.

I was also able to write what I call a pretend letter to my ex,
Where I also expressed my feelings, and how I felt I had be
Wronged in the relationship. Of course, I would never actually
Send the letter to my ex, but it really allowed me to exorcise
Some inner demons.

Try this: Write down a list of reasons that you are better
Off without your ex in your life.
Perhaps she would not allow you to do certain activities
Or did not support you in your goals.

Now you can do those things.

A daily 15 minute meditation, ideally done at the same time
Each day, will also help you deal with anger that may be
Building up inside you. Listening to music that is relaxing
May also help.

One final thought and this is a big one.

When I left my ex, I started to think about the good times we
had , and then had to make a determined effort to remind myself of the many bad times we also had.
My mind was playing head games on me, and there was a couple
Of times I actually considered trying to get back with my ex.

Do not let this happen to you.

It is a dangerous trap.

Just keep moving forward and looking ahead.

Download my Free guide on how you can get started on dating again
as a further resource.

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